When thinking about grief, there might be a perception that it’s a state of being resulting from a significant tragedy. In the Grief and Healing support group she facilitates, Multi-Faith Chaplain and chairperson Pastor Jane Gingrich wants to remind participants that grief contains multitudes and can result from any change or loss that impacts your life.

Hosted with the Wellness Centre, the support group explores ways to live with grief instead of awaiting an expiration date. Gingrich begs the question: if grief is the price of love, how can we afford the cost of an open-hearted life? “I want participants to embrace their grief, knit it into the fabric of their lives instead of trying to tear away at it — allow the turmoil to become a part of the tapestry.”

Then again, Gingrich invites anyone at any point in their grief journey to participate, as they feel comfortable. “You can listen, hold space while being silent or discuss philosophical concepts about grief without delving into personal experiences.”

Grief is a certainty — at some point in our lives, we will experience change or loss. It doesn’t always relate to death or dying. It’s about outgrowing a friendship, going through a breakup, moving or a loved one moving away, health challenges, feeling homesick, feeling alienated from your faith system,or not feeling accepted by your family.

You may also be experiencing:

• Post-grief grief: realizing that your life, perspectives and relationships have changed since the inciting incident; missing your previous life
• Post-pandemic grief: comprehending how much time or momentum you’ve lost, missing your pre-COVID self
• Environmental grief: experiencing emotional distress due to fear and resentment of wildfires and other aspects of climate change
• Global grief: acknowledging that the political climate, wars, genocides, racism, colonialism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia and ableism factor into our grief processing, mental health management and recovery

Grief is a shapeshifter. “It becomes a part of us, changes us and alters our understanding and view of the world. You can’t unsee what you’ve witnessed, and there’s a loss of innocence,” Gingrich said. Fear of mortality or vulnerability makes you reluctant to engage in joyful interactions and activities. The knee-jerk reaction to self-isolate can be dangerous, as a community is critical to healing.

Gingrich recommends “befriending the emotional co-morbidities” of the grief experience, such as anger, sadness, depression, humiliation, shame, judgment, numbness, helplessness, regret and nervousness, which can impact sleep, appetite and social connection, creating a vicious cycle that further hinders your quality of life.

Having an awareness of what you’re experiencing physically and emotionally can allow you to harness and eventually contain the ravages of the grief experience. When grief has its claws in us, it might drive us to give up or shut down, Gingrich said. “But grief can also unearth hidden strengths; a heightened awareness about life’s preciousness can make you feel more present, compartmentalize and carry on.”

Gingrich understands that experiencing all the ripple effects of loss can be lonely. “You carry an invisible weight you can’t easily shake off. A common misperception is that re-entering a routine or returning to school or work means the grief has ended. It’s not like a broken limb that eventually heals.”

For support systems, Gringrich notes that understanding the distinctions between grief and trauma is critical as the survival instinct can be so raw and intense in the days following the inciting incident. “Another person’s grief is not always going to be relatable as everyone responds to or experiences it so differently. It’s irrational and emotional, has no clear trajectory or timeline, and never disappears. Grief stays with you and overflows within you.”

She also remarks on the layered complexity, referring to grief being “both/and,” as in “my best friend moved away, and while I’m happy for them, I miss them and grieve this loss.”

“Grief can be this bleak and nebulous entity, so learning to envision it as a story might make the experience less mysterious or arduous,” Gingrich said. As long as there have been stories, there have been expressions of and reflections on loss and grief. It’s part of the human experience.

As part of the Multi-Faith Chaplaincy mandate, Gingrich, also the chaplaincy chairperson, views this program through a lens that acknowledges all faith systems and encourages participants to “take what they need from this multi-faith perspective. Above all, I want everyone to know this: Where there’s grief, there’s love, and where there’s love, there’s hope.”

The Grief and Healing Winter Series runs from Jan. 22 – Feb. 19, 2025, in the Multi-Faith Chaplaincy office (OM 1421).